June 9, 2015

I Smell Like A Girl

One of these days in the distant or not so distant future, this planet will succumb to some catastrophic event, whether it be an asteroid or some other natural cause. This is why it's critical that the sharpest minds on earth start planning for future generations, who will eventually need to get out of Dodge.

In the meantime, the majority of us scuffle about living our lives in relative comfort. Global poverty is on the decline, and if you're fortunate enough to live in a country like Canada, most of life's basics are guaranteed to let you sail fairly comfortably.

This of course sounds great in theory, but the downside is that it has made us, as a species, very soft. Tom Hanks and his volleyball lasted 4 years on that island. I honestly don't know if I would have made it 4 weeks. Similarly, over the last few days I've experienced horrors worse than Nazi Germany.

If you have the ability to organize your survival gear and take a lovely
photo like this, chances are you're probably gonna make it.
Read the following at your own peril, but frankly, all you really need to read is the final sentence. So, it was my mom's birthday Sunday so I spent the night at her house. My plan was to leave very early the next morning because I had to drop my car off at the dealership for some basic maintenance ahead of a 4 hour drive we're taking later this week. However, on Monday morning, Murphy being the prick that he is, there was a complete shut down of the transit system, adding additional chaos to the commute that morning, delaying my ability to get to the dealership. Shortly after the shuttle service dropped me back at work, I got the call from the dealership saying that they'd need to keep the car overnight - the delay in getting things going that day meant the parts wouldn't be in until the next day. So, it was late Monday night when I realized that I didn't have some basic items that I needed. See, since I figured I'd have my car, I had left my overnight bag in the trunk, which included simple but critical items like a toothbrush, clothes, deodorant and a small handgun.

Exhausted yet?

As mentioned, I didn't connect the dots on all this until I got home late last night, which left me with few choices for preparing for sleep and going to work this morning. Sure I could have used my wife's toothbrush - after all - we're practically married. But I thought that would be impolite so I brushed my teeth with a pretzel. When it came to deodorant, it was a toss up between Lemon Pledge and some dandelions in our yard. But in the end I used something I found in the cupboard called Nature's Breath, or maybe it was Lady Of The Night. Either way, today I smell like a girl.

So, my point is how frazzled one becomes when a couple of basic things are taken out of the equation. Add a few unforeseen circumstances into the mix and we all might as well slowly walk into a lake. There's a great line in a Chevy Chase movie, Funny Farm, and I'm paraphrasing here, but Chase chastizes his wife because their furniture from their move hasn't arrived yet. He says "come on honey - 100 years ago the Settlers handled things easily enough. If they can do it, so can we."

"The settlers,", she replies, "lived to an average age of 35."





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